omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My dick has a subreddit
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
