Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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