what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
