I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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