her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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