Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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