You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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