Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
