I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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