I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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