i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize