He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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