we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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