She is in my trunk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
