I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
