Sry I called you an 8
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
wow bdsm is so cute
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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