Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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