So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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