She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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