nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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