If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
