it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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