Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
