Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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