Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
there is puke in my bra ... again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
