do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
