Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
