ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
