More tranny stories later!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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