you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
