Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
