just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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