did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
