i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
