tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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