If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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