you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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