We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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