My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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