The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
