So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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