my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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