keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
