He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
