Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
