Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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