I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
