you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
