I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
