dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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