But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
