I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
