Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
