If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
