And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
