i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
