So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
