There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
