Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
