I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
