I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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