I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
