He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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