I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
