if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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