I accidentally had phone sex last night
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize