NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
