I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
