I'm jealous of your bromance
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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